With A Sunhat
by bokfresh
Summary: Dave's attempt at getting his best friend and boyfriend to bond end in a big ball of chaos, topped with a sassy sunhat.


A running trend with me, apparently, is that I take things from my own life and shove them into the lives of characters (though that's probably just something all writers do). I won't spoil what it is though!

T for language again, because now Azimio is joining his BFF in yelling curses, though there's a little more sexy action in this story than in my previous one. Hopefully I won't fall down the slippery slope of smut.

Don't ask why Azimio is so determined to be mean to Kurt, because I have no fucking clue. Maybe it's just the principle of the thing.

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><p><strong>With A Sunhat<strong>

He really ought to have more faith in his boyfriend, Kurt thought as he stared at the door that would lead to his probable doom. Dave had been doing a bang-up job at stopping the glares and jeers that are usually thrown at Kurt in that cesspool of a school. Though, maybe too good a job considering instead of angry glares, Kurt was on the receiving end of many a fearful glance. Still, stopping a whole school of semi-hateful teenagers with intimidation, fear tactics, and brute strength was something, and that something should be more than enough to propel Kurt through the doorway. If his boyfriend could stop that kind of thing at a public high school, then his own house would practically be a fortress of safety.

Except that on the other side of the door sat one Azimio Adams, the only guy left at school with enough balls to be rude to Kurt's face, lest the wrath of his guard-dog of a boyfriend be unleashed. The two jocks had been in a constant battle for the past couple weeks; Azimio trying to find ways to get at Kurt without attracting the attention of Dave, and Dave trying to protect his boy without having to disown his best friend.

The only thing scarier than hanging out with Azimio, though, was the need Kurt was feeling to _impress_ that stupid neanderthal. Kurt had been replaying David's request over and over in his head for the past few days, trying to find an angle of the conversation where he could prove to the court that he had been badgered into the decision, but everything kept coming up clean.

_It was right after a particularly light make-out session that Dave had sprung the question on him. With most people, you'd try to ask them during something hot and heavy, when they weren't even aware what they were agreeing to, but Dave knew that with Kurt, the secret was to ask when he was nice and relaxed and blissed out on gentle affection._

"_Hey, babe? I was wondering if you could do me a pretty huge favor." Dave said quietly as he stroked his hand up and down his boyfriend's bare side. Making out shirtless was one of their many weird couple quirks._

"_David," Kurt giggled as he rolled his eyes. "You know we can't do anything too heated when my dad is right downstairs. I suppose, if you simply can't wait..." Kurt trailed off as he slowly trailed his hand down Dave's muscular chest. _

_Dave caught his hand in his much larger one, laughing softly as he brought it up to his lips and laid a tender kiss to the palm. "No, not that. Later, yes, but right now I wanna talk about the favor."_

_Kurt gave a deep sigh as he stretched, cat-like, before settling against his boyfriend's broad chest. "Well, if it's not a sexual favor, then what kind of favor is it?"_

"_I was kind of hoping that you'd come over to my house Thursday night." Dave mumbled into Kurt's sinfully soft hair. He could feel Kurt's eyebrows scrunch together in confusion against his chest. He wished he could see the no-doubt adorable expression, but Dave had learned the hard way to _never_ interrupt Kurt when he was snuggling into Dave's warmth. _

"_Thursday? I thought that was your 'bro-night'." The warm breath ghosting through his chest hair as Kurt's fingers danced through the soft hairs should have sent Dave into overdrive, but nerves were dampening his teenage libido. _

"_Uh, yeah. I thought it'd be cool if you, like, came over." Kurt's playful hand stilled._

"_Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't 'bro-night' when you hang out with Azimio? Plus whatever jock seems to be floating around when you two leave school." _

"_Kurt, I know you two don't exactly get along," Kurt snorted at that, but Dave chose to ignore it. "But I would really _appreciate_ it if my best friend and my boyfriend at least tried to get along. You don't even have to stay all that long. It'll just be the three of us, a couple of games or whatever, and I'll be sure to choose a game you'll probably like, and-" Dave was cut off by a sudden kiss from Kurt. _

_When the smaller teen pulled back, Dave just scowled at him. _

"_What?" Kurt asked innocently. "You tell me all the time that kissing me is your favorite way to, and I quote, 'stop the stream of bitch that comes out of your cute little mouth.' Why can't I do the same to you? My answer is yes, by the way. You've been fabulous about using those big muscles to carry bags during girl time with Mercedes, so the least I can do is attempt some 'bro-time'." _

"_Fuckin A, Fancy!" was all the warning Kurt got before he got a very appreciative boyfriend pressing him against his mattress, slick tongue already pushing it's way into his mouth and-_Oh god, the only thing worse than hanging out with Azimio Adams was hanging out with Azimio Adams while you have a hardon over his best friend. Kurt shook himself out, already thinking as many unsexy things as he could to remedy his situation.

It was stupid to be nervous over the approval of some dumb jock, Kurt grumbled in his head, but Kurt did _not_ want to be the cause of any more stress in Dave's life. Coming out had been rather hellish for the football player, and Kurt had promised him that he'd do everything he could to help the situation, and if that meant containing his inner-bitch around Azimio, then so be it. So Kurt steeled himself and rang the doorbell, waiting as the chiming rang out like funeral dirge. (No one said he couldn't be melodramatic about it)

There was the slightest pause before Kurt heard some rather loud and overly-enthused footsteps stampeding toward the door. Dave opened it a bit forcefully, looking downright ecstatic. His handsome visage flushed, brown eyes glittering, a huge grin slapped on his face; no doubt he was riding a high from killing hordes of zombies.

"Hey babe! Glad you came." Dave said happily as he pulled his boyfriend in for a kiss.

Kurt laughed into it. "Please, you know Hummel men don't break their word." Dave didn't need to know that the _main_ reason Kurt had come was that he just couldn't deal with the larger teen's sad puppy-dog eyes, which had been known to drive even Santana to do the boy's bidding.

Dave just grinned. He quickly took Kurt's coat off, hanging it up so neatly that his boyfriend couldn't help but give him another kiss. The football player was apparently _very_ excited for tonight to happen, because the second Kurt's shoes were off he had picked up his boyfriend and was walking briskly towards the living room.

"David, how many times do I have to tell you that I am perfectly capable of walking and, ah, hello Azimio." Kurt flushed slightly in embarrassment as his boyfriend gently set him down next to on the couch.

"Hummel." He grunted, scowling. Dave scowled back in silent warning. "How are you?" He managed to grind out from his clenched jaw.

"I'm fine, thank you." Kurt gave a fake smile that Azimio couldn't see through. "Thank you for allowing me to join sacred bro-time." Kurt tried to joke, but it fell flat at Azimio's confused glare.

"We were just in the middle of a campaign in Left 4 Dead." Kurt stared blankly at his boyfriend, who had taken the role as Switzerland between the two awkward enemies. "So it'll be a few minutes till we finish it. Is...that okay?" Dave asked, conscious of the fact that Kurt really didn't enjoy loud, violent games. Kurt just shrugged, crossed his legs, and starting inspecting his fascinating nails. "We'll play something else, promise." Dave kissed his boyfriend's cheek before unpausing the game and resuming the gore.

Kurt, though putting on a good show of ignoring everything outside his perfect cuticles, flinched minutely and huddled closer to Dave at every dramatic musical cue and loud scream.

"Hey Fancy, check this bitch out." Azimio said through his sadistic laughter. Kurt looked at the the side of the screen that was flailing around wildly in an attempt to grab his attention, and instantly made a disgusted noise as he watched Azimio bludgeon a zombie right on her bloated, g-stringed ass.

"Azimio, that is disgusting."

"Naw, that shit is hilarious."

"You realize you're effectively turning yourself off from the female form."

"Hey, I am straight, okay? Not in danger of turning into a fairy."

"Z." came a warning growl.

"You can't _turn_ gay, Azimio. It's an immutable part-"

"Yeah yeah, you were born that way. I read the pamphlet." Azimio grumbled.

"Z, come on." Kurt couldn't see from where he was sitting, but from the guilty look on Azimio's face, he guessed he was getting the full-force of his best friend's sad, miserable, betrayed puppy-dog eyes.

"Sorry, Hummel. Didn't mean to offend." Kurt thought about taking a jab at his obvious soft-spot for Dave, but dreaded being the next recipient of that awful gaze, so he settled for moderate diplomacy.

"Well, yes you did, but I appreciate the apology. Are you almost at the safe-house thing? I'm not sure how much goopy blood I can handle. Must you use a shotgun, David?" Kurt groused.

"Hell yeah, Fancy!" Dave laughed. "I take the shotty, Z gets the semi-auto, and we can't lose!" Kurt rolled his eyes, but his dopey boyfriend's grin was infectious.

"Fine, fine. If it's in the name of strategy, I guess I can't complain."

"We're almost done, just a few more yards..." Dave said, voice strained as he tried his best to outrun the unrelenting horde.

"Don't sprain anything." Kurt mumbled under his breath. He twitched in surprise when four loud voices blared from the speakers, congratulating themselves on surviving. Kurt watched the summary masquerading as movie credits, slightly impressed at the art direction of the whole thing.

"So I guess I don't completely hate that game." Kurt relented. "But I'm not playing it." He said haughtily. Azimio rolled his eyes. Dave wondered if he should start counting to see who rolled their eyes the most that night.

"Finn told me you pretty much only ever play Mario Kart with him, but I don't think you're ready for that kind of trash talk from Z. So Z suggested Brawl. How does that sound?" Dave offered the case to Kurt, knowing he wouldn't be able to resist the lure of Princess Peach, no matter what game it was.

Kurt remembered the game from the few times Finn had tried getting him to play it. It was tame as far as fighting games went, Kurt supposed, and it was as much of a peace offering as he'd get.

"I suppose that's permissible." He said airily, then smirked at the disapproving look he got from Dave.

"Do you wanna use the wii-mote, or the gamecube controller?" Dave asked as he rearranged all the various cables that looked the same to Kurt.

"Gamecube, please." Kurt made grabby hands at the purple controller, laughing as Dave's grip on the cord made it dance in and out of his hands. From the corner of his eye, he saw Azimio make a disgusted face.

"Is our _gayness_ too much for you to handle?" Kurt asked sharply.

"Gayness? Naw. Disgusting couple antics? Hell yeah. You two could be any combination of boy and girl and it'd be just as gross to watch you vomit hearts all over yourselves."

Kurt fixed Azimio with a hard stare, emboldened by his meatshield boyfriend standing between them. "You're entitled to your opinions, and as long as none of them stem from our genders, then I guess it's fine. But don't say 'fairy' anymore." Azimio scoffed, but when Dave started to turn towards him he quickly nodded.

"Fine. I'll try my hardest and all that shit."

All in all, they were being a lot less bitchy than Dave had anticipated. He started up the Wii, and explained the controls and rules while the intro movie played.

"This game was kinda designed for kids to play, so you should pick it up quickly. Usually Z and I just use no items. That okay?"

Kurt stared blankly up at his boyfriend. Right as he was about to explain what items were, probably in detail, Kurt cut him off. "Just pokéballs, please. Those exist in this one, right?" Dave nodded, and granted the request.

The character select screen came up, and both jocks immediately picked their characters.

"Donkey Kong? Really, David?" Kurt drawled.

"He's cool as shit Fancy, just like me." Dave grinned.

"Not as cool as motherfuckin Captain Falcon. Manliest dude around." Azimio highfived Dave, while Kurt just sighed in annoyance. He cast a critical eye at the selection screen; most of them he could barely recognize. He noticed Princess Peach right away, though. Finn had to have told his boyfriend of Kurt's mastery over the fabulous royal, but Kurt didn't feel like giving everyone in his life even _more _reason to call him Princess. So instead of chose the only other bright spot of pink on the screen, which in hindsight wasn't a much better choice if he was trying to establish even a shred of masculinity.

"Jigglypuff?" Azimio asked incredulously. "You're going for that fucking puff?"

"What? She's fabulous at singing." Kurt said, as if that made it all better. Dave just sniggered while Kurt rolled his eyes. They immediately refocused on the screen, though, when he noticed Azimio was changing his character's color palette.

"You can change costumes?" Kurt asked loudly.

"Uh, just what colors they are for most of them. But I think the pokémon actually _can_ change costumes..." Dave answered, confused over the outburst.

"David, this changes everything. Show me how to do it. Now." Kurt said in his bossiest voice, a tone usually reserved for the bedroom, to show how utterly serious he was.

"Fine, fine, jeez. Chill out, Fancy. It's that button right there-no, not-yeah, that one."

Kurt nodded grimly and started to cycle through the choices. Just as Azimio was about to loudly complain about how long he was taking, Kurt finally made his choice. Azimio started laughing hysterically.

"Dude, you're shitting us, right?"

"First of all, don't call me dude. Second, that sunhat is amazing. Just start the match."

The first game, Kurt spent most of his time running around and jumping everywhere, tossing out pokéballs all over the damn place, though he managed to score a KO on his boyfriend. The third match went better, with Dave and Kurt tying for second place. By the fifth game, Kurt had gotten used to the controls and was somehow steamrolling the larger boys.

"What the fuck is this shit, Fancy?" Dave yelled as a particularly nasty roll-out sent his ape flying right into the waiting pain of an elecrode's explosion.

"I ain't never seen anyone actually use that singing shit and still win." Azimio said in shock as Lady Puff, as Kurt had taken to calling his character, pounded on a sleeping Captain Falcon so hard the crowd started losing their shit.

"Were they wearing the sunhat?" Kurt asked innocently. Lady Puff fell delicately onto Donkey Kong, resting at the last second so that the over-grown ape flew so high he twinkled off into the sunset.

"Of course not," Azimio scoffed. "I think me and you are the only ones who bother changing colors."

"Well, there you go. It's all about the sunhat." Kurt said in a bored tone, as if he hadn't just gotten the smash ball and was currently puffing everyone else off the stage in a display of sunhatted madness.

After an hour, all that was left of Kurt and Lady Puff's massacre were smears of fur and machismo strewn about the stages. Azimio sat in shocked silence, the smack-talk finally beaten out of him a couple rounds ago. Dave was staring at Kurt like he was the second-coming, which Azimio thought wasn't all that different from how his friend usually stared at Kurt.

"Gotta hand it to you, Hummel. You're a lot more bad-ass than I thought."

"You're fucking amazing." Dave fawned. "Like, seriously. You deserve a victory blowjob or some shit." Azimio made a shocked choking noise, but Dave didn't care. Not only had his best friend and boyfriend _finally_ gotten along, but he discovered that his Fancy was a goddamn monster at video games.

"If you think _that_ was something," Kurt said, preening under the warm light of his boyfriend's affection, and his now-frenemie's shock, "Then you should see what kind of awful things I do to Finn during Mario Kart."

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><p>It's a proven fact that if you give Jigglypuff that fabulous sunhat, you can't lose (except for the first couple times you play). I also only ever refer to her as 'Jigglypuff in a Sunhat' every single time I talk about her.<p>

I almost felt bad about giving Kurt a love of Princess Peach and Jigglypuff, since the show has shown that he hates it when people assume that he has zero masculine anything, but Peach and Puff are actually kind of amazing in everything they do, so it's okay I guess? Maybe I'll write a sequel where he plays a different fighting game and only uses the manliest character in the roster.

Anyways, reviews are always appreciated. I've been told I have a problem with tenses, but it's something that I can't for the life of me notice in my own stuff.


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